Spheres of Influence (Or It Takes Balls)

Well, we are deep in football season. College games occupy our Saturdays, NFL games our Sundays and our Monday nights.  Game 1 of baseball’s World Series is behind us and the NBA season is before us. Our great leader, #47, is still teeing off on the weekends. Everywhere I turn it’s all about balls.

My mind might be fertile ground or just a trash mountain, but as you know, I like to ponder life’s big questions, and so the steady roll of balls leaves me pondering another one of life’s mysteries:  What is our societal fascination with balls? I would Google it, but I fear the pop-up ads that would follow, and I don’t want my children to visit and turn on my YouTube TV to find a menu of X-rated videos.

How did this dedication to the spherical life get started? As they scavenged for food, were cavemen fascinated by the roundest rocks? Did some caveman encounter a rolling stone and take off in hot pursuit…something else in the wild to be tamed and brought under man’s control?  Or did he see a smooth round rock rolling down hill and say to himself, “Hey, that stone is not gathering any moss, I think I will chase it, and when I catch it, I am going to kick it into my enemy’s cave.  Maybe he will kick it back to me.” Or, “I think I will hit this stone with a stick and then run home as fast as I can.”  Maybe cavemen had a lot of time on their hands when they weren’t hunting or fleeing for their lives.

I am not sure which of our early ancestors passed the ball, but sports metaphors aren’t just for fun and games.  They entered the business world a long time ago, and they appear to be a requirement for business and motivation.    We are advised to get the ball rolling and keep our eye on the ball.  We go to bat or carry the ball. Sometimes we have a lot of balls to juggle. We cover the bases.  Sometimes we drop the ball or wait while the ball is in the air.  Occasionally, we slam dunk.  On the downside, we might drop the ball or get behind the eight ball.  Under pressure we might make a Hail Mary pass (and you don’t even have to be Catholic to do so).  Other times, the ball’s in their court and all we can do is wait-- unless we are off base entirely.

High profile male ball handlers are the most well-known of celebrities.  A person might win a Nobel Prize and save millions of lives with their discoveries, and no one knows their name, but hit a ball out of the park or score a touchdown and your name is a household word more familiar than that simple, old-fashioned word: eggs.  Everyone will be wearing your image or number on their t-shirt.  And people will pay a pretty penny for the winning game ball.

It has been harder for women to get in the game.  People just don’t seem willing to pay to watch women carry the balls.  I did a quick, informal survey about why this is so.  What I learned is that the women’s game lacks the level of “explosiveness” and “aggression” seen in the men’s games.

Perhaps testosterone explains it or maybe men have just had more time on their hands to develop these game-playing qualities.  Who knows what those cavemen were really doing when they went off to hunt.  Women were having babies, nursing babies, hauling water, tending fires, gathering food, and cooking and cleaning all while chasing off the occasional predator; never a moment to spare.  And the early beauty regimen might have been time-consuming with no quick showers or hair dryers.  Let’s face it:  women have always been overextended and tired.

In our current spheres of influence, all you need is to have been a once-famous male athlete.  The doors blow open for you.  Having played a ball game qualifies aging former players to be owners, coaches, commentators, broadcasters, senators, governors, motivational speakers, and general experts on everything.  Who needs an education and specialized knowledge and experience when you are a modern day Zeus?

And so we roll along with no job too big for a former ball handler.

Seems nuts to me.