All Of The Selves We Have Ever Been
Menu

all of the selves we Have ever been

Back to Wishing

10/22/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture

“Don’t wish your life away.”

You might recall that was one of my mother’s famous sayings.

I caused her to utter those words often due to my incessant wishing:  “I wish it was summer.”  “I wish school would start.”  “I wish the school year was over.”  “I wish it was Friday.”  “I wish it was Christmas.”  “I wish I was in high school.”  “I wish I was in college.”  “I wish I had my own apartment.”  I wish…I wish…I wish…
 
Weary of what I had, and tired of waiting, I was always eager for what was to come. 

I have to admit, despite my mother’s repeated advice, I continue trying to speed things up by wishing, particularly now.  Dare I say it?  I wish this pandemic was over.  I know that I am not the only one, but it doesn’t seem to matter that billions of people are making the same wish.  The pandemic is on its own schedule just like the school year and the seasons of my childhood.

My mom isn’t here to say, “Don’t wish your life away.”  Today, people don’t use that expression.  Instead, they say, “Be present,” or “Live in the moment.”  So, I will try.

I review the recent months of sheltering in place and social distancing.  To my surprise, many of my other wishes have been granted.

I’ve made peace with my thinning, greying hair.  That scraggly, striped COVID style gave me perspective.  Months of staying home and saving time on hair care has made me a freer woman.  I’ve also grown comfortable leaving the house without make-up.  I may continue wearing a mask even when it is no longer mandated!   

After years filled with hectic days and regret at losing touch with old friends, I now speak to them at least once a week, sometimes daily!  We never run out of things to talk about, not even in a pandemic.

I’ve read more books, and not just nonfiction to keep up with my professional work.  I enjoy novels, and discussions about novels, and trading novels the way I once shared Nancy Drew books with my girlfriends.

For the first time since childhood, I’ve slept in a time or two.  And, like a princess, I eat my breakfast in bed every morning.  When I was a child, I had to be sick to enjoy such a pleasure.  Now, I am completely healthy and in no hurry.

I’ve prayed more, and my prayers have been answered.  All my needs have been met.  I have learned to live on less because I have needed less. And I am grateful.

I’ve walked more and spent more time admiring nature.  When I walk, my mind is free.  I am not thinking about the paperwork that needs to be turned in by midnight or the dinner in the crockpot.  I listen to the call of the birds and notice the beautiful leaves that look like a ring of candy corn around the edges of the parking lot.

I now recognize my neighbors, even the new ones, and we speak when we pass.  I see children playing outdoors again and zipping past me on their bicycles.

I treasure every phone call, every piece of snail mail, every email, and every text message.  I am even happy to hear from Big Lots and Bob Evans Restaurant.

I have fallen in love with our national treasure, PBS, and I have been enlightened in unexpected ways by the beautiful storytelling, lively music, and insightful reporting.

Via email, I trade links to favorite songs with a new friend who lives far away.  It is better than trading baseball cards or stock market tips!  Once again, music fills me up the way it did when I was a teenager and music was food.

My mother said, “Don’t wish your life away.”  She also said, “Be careful what you wish for,” suggesting that wishing is complicated and potentially dangerous.

Well, Mom, I have finished high school and college, and I did get my own apartment.  That all worked out.
I have lived to see my children finish high school and college.  They now live in their own apartments.  Despite a pandemic, many other wishes have been granted.  So far, the odds have been in my favor.

Dare I make another wish?

0 Comments

Wish Lists

7/8/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture

Wishing can be dangerous.

As a child, when I dared to voice a wish out loud, expressing the magical thinking of youth, my mother would say, “Don’t wish your life away,” or “Be careful what you wish for.”  Of course, she had the perspective of age.  She knew the risks of wishing.  Mom was the daughter of hard-working immigrant parents, and she was a military spouse.  By the time I was old enough to voice wishes, my mother had long outgrown the gentle garden of make-believe and was firmly rooted in the hard soil of reality.

In spite of her many warnings, as 2020 drags on, I find my wish list growing.

Among my big wishes: I wish this pandemic were over.  In the meantime, I wish people would stop fighting about masks and start wearing them.  I wish there were justice for everyone and peace on our streets.   I wish the temperature would cool down.  I wish the election were over. I wish I could hug my children.  I wish I could get back to work I love.

I wish for smaller things to keep me going:  an email, a phone call from a friend, a letter in the mailbox, a cool breeze, a good book, and strength for a long walk.

I think of all of the things I’ve wished for over the years chief among them, I wished for more time away from work, more time for myself…dangerous wishes indeed!  I should have been more careful.

I listen as older people confide in me, “Is this it?  Is this how my life will end--bored, alone, and socially distant from everyone and everything I love?”  They feel the clock ticking and a growing fear that there will not be enough time to get everything they want.  There is regret at the years wished away while in a hurry to get to somewhere else.  I hear these voices and feel the shift inside myself, the move from the garden of make-believe to the hard soil of reality, the mound of dirt my mother spoke from when I was young.

I reflect on my knowledge of wishing.   I learned to wish on birthday candles.  Blow out the small flames.  Don’t ever tell anyone your birthday wishes or they will be lost.  There was the Thanksgiving turkey wishbone-wishing and wishing on stars.  There was the “what would you wish for” from the genie in a bottle.  The first time I heard someone say their first wish would be for more wishes, I realized then that I was not slick enough for this wishing game.  I accepted my three wishes and tried to make wise choices.  It made me a loser in the wishing game.  Wishing is tricky business and not for everyone.

The lesson that a person can destroy her wishes by sharing them seems harsh and lonely.  Wishing for endless wishes seems greedy.  Wishes are gifts given by magic, no effort required.    Perhaps that is the big difference between wishes and prayers--something else I am more prone to in the current circumstances.

When does a wish become a prayer? 

A prayer is more than a shopping list of unobtainable items. Unlike wishes, a prayer must be stated and shared.  It requires effort and humility.  It acknowledges fear, weakness, and weariness.  It is asking for help not magic.  A prayer is an acknowledgement that action is required. On the most difficult days, I borrow a prayer from Sarah Ban Breathnach, “Help me, Lord.  And help me until you help me.”

We won’t get out of 2020 by wishing, but if a genie does pop out of a bottle, I am ready with my three wishes.  Give me radical faith in goodness, stubborn joy in moments of discouragement, and the will for thoughtful, deliberate action.  With the Lord’s help, I can take it from there. 

0 Comments

    Author

    Lilli-ann Buffin
    ​

      Get Notified of New Posts 
      Enter your email address and click on "Subscribe"

    Subscribe

    Archives

    June 2025
    May 2025
    April 2025
    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    November 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020

    Categories

    All
    Acne
    Adulting
    Advertising
    Aging
    Arms
    Barbie
    Baths
    Beauty
    Beloved Community
    BINGO
    Birds
    Books
    Branding
    Bravery
    Cars
    Catching Up
    Children
    Church
    Cliches
    Clothing
    Comfy Couches
    Coping With Stress
    Coronavirus
    Death & Dying
    Diets
    Dignity
    Discernment
    Drive Ins
    Drive-ins
    Driving
    Essential Workers
    Exercise
    Faith
    Falling
    Family
    Father's Day
    Food
    Friendship
    Fruit
    Games
    Good Intentions
    Goodness
    Good Old Days
    Grace
    Graduation
    Grandparents
    Gratitude
    Hair
    Handwriting
    Health
    Heroes
    History
    Holidays
    Hope
    Houses
    Humor
    Illness
    Imagination
    Influencers
    Ironing
    John Lewis
    Knowledge
    Laughter
    Laundry
    Leadership
    Libraries
    Listening
    Lists
    MacGyver
    Madge
    Magazines
    Mail
    Masks
    Memorial Day
    Memories
    Mental Illness
    Miracles
    Moral Lessons
    Mothers
    Music
    Names
    Nancy Drew
    Nature
    Neighbors
    Oreos
    Other-Mothers
    Our Stuff
    Outdoors
    Parenting
    Pets
    Phones
    Poignancy
    Politics
    Prayer
    Purses
    Reading
    Recipes
    Reinvention
    Revelations
    Rewards
    Rotisserie Chicken
    Saturdays
    Saving The World
    Schools
    Shelf Life
    Showers
    Siblings
    Small Things
    Sorrow
    Speed
    Sports
    Stores
    Substance Abuse
    Success
    Sunshine
    Technology
    Thanksgiving
    Toilet Paper
    Tools
    Truth
    Uncles
    Veterans
    Voting
    Walking
    War
    Water
    Weather
    Wilderness
    Wishing
    Women
    Wonder
    Words
    Work

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
    • Blog
  • About
  • Contact
  • Other Works
  • What Readers Say
  • Home
    • Blog
  • About
  • Contact
  • Other Works
  • What Readers Say