All Of The Selves We Have Ever Been
Menu

all of the selves we Have ever been

Changing Hearts

5/3/2020

1 Comment

 
Picture

​“It requires courage to have a change of heart.”

This morning I found that quote in a little notebook I refer to in times of prayer and reflection. 

During this shelter-in-place time, I don’t change my clothes much, but I seem to have a change of heart every couple of hours.  Perhaps all of us in this boat are more courageous than we realize.

My daily wardrobe is sweatpants.  I have three identical pairs, and except for the hours I am doing the laundry, my daily wardrobe remains the same.  Not much changes.

But my heart…

What changes my heart with such frequency?

In the morning, I pull up to the drive-through window for a small order.  It is a meager contribution to the economy.  A young man leans out the window, hands me my food, and says, “It’s on me today.  Take care of yourself.”  My heart swells.  I need a 3X t-shirt to accommodate the gratitude I feel from the kindness of this stranger.

The governor comes on television at 2 PM for his daily news conference.  He addresses the ranks. Our leader provides his army of hearts with armor and a battle plan.  Properly attired, mine is a courageous and confident heart.

I watch the evening news and see emergency rooms bursting with the sick and dying.  Hospital workers and first responders fill every square inch of space with their hustle and bustle.  Some lay prostrate on the ground outside the ER doors.  Others weep on park benches.  Yet, they carry on.  My heart is broken.   It needs a cast.  Will it ever mend?

I see protesters on the streets and on the lawn of the state house.  These people are armed and angry, yelling, and saying hateful things.  I am bewildered.  And frightened.  I can feel my heart withering.  It needs an oxygen mask.

I watch a fundraising concert on television.  Through the wonders of modern technology, the biggest names in entertainment sing to me from their homes.  It is simple, and elegant.  My heart shifts in my chest.  I might need a special mesh screen to hold my heart in place so moved am I by the beauty of the performances and the talent and generosity of the participants. 

I turn on the computer and find my email inbox full.  The emails come with attachments and YouTube links.  My friends and colleagues are thinking of me. The messages they send are filled with clever, funny, charming, touching, and sometimes laugh-out-loud ridiculous jokes, stories, songs, dances, and interviews.  My heart is comforted; these contacts are vacation beachwear for my overworked heart. 

I have been lounging in my sweatpants for weeks.  The only iron I’ve been pumping is the irony of being perpetually dressed for a workout while I stretch out on the couch.  Now I realize that I am exhausted.  My heart has been running a marathon.  

1 Comment
Laura link
5/3/2020 11:45:45 am

Beautiful description of our hearts beating for one another. Thank you.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Lilli-ann Buffin
    ​

      Get Notified of New Posts

    Subscribe

    Archives

    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020

    Categories

    All
    Acne
    Adulting
    Advertising
    Aging
    Arms
    Barbie
    Baths
    Beauty
    Beloved Community
    BINGO
    Birds
    Books
    Branding
    Bravery
    Cars
    Catching Up
    Children
    Church
    Cliches
    Clothing
    Comfy Couches
    Coping With Stress
    Coronavirus
    Death & Dying
    Diets
    Dignity
    Discernment
    Drive Ins
    Drive-ins
    Driving
    Essential Workers
    Exercise
    Faith
    Falling
    Father's Day
    Food
    Friendship
    Fruit
    Games
    Good Intentions
    Goodness
    Good Old Days
    Grace
    Graduation
    Grandparents
    Gratitude
    Hair
    Handwriting
    Health
    Heroes
    History
    Holidays
    Hope
    Houses
    Humor
    Illness
    Imagination
    Influencers
    Ironing
    John Lewis
    Knowledge
    Laughter
    Laundry
    Leadership
    Libraries
    Listening
    Lists
    MacGyver
    Madge
    Magazines
    Mail
    Masks
    Memorial Day
    Mental Illness
    Miracles
    Moral Lessons
    Mothers
    Music
    Names
    Nancy Drew
    Nature
    Neighbors
    Oreos
    Other-Mothers
    Our Stuff
    Outdoors
    Parenting
    Pets
    Phones
    Poignancy
    Prayer
    Purses
    Reading
    Recipes
    Reinvention
    Revelations
    Rewards
    Rotisserie Chicken
    Saturdays
    Saving The World
    Schools
    Shelf Life
    Showers
    Siblings
    Small Things
    Sorrow
    Speed
    Sports
    Stores
    Substance Abuse
    Success
    Sunshine
    Technology
    Toilet Paper
    Tools
    Truth
    Uncles
    Veterans
    Voting
    Walking
    War
    Water
    Weather
    Wilderness
    Wishing
    Women
    Wonder
    Work

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • Blog
  • About
  • Contact
  • Other Works
  • What Readers Say
  • Home
  • Blog
  • About
  • Contact
  • Other Works
  • What Readers Say