Feeling the Burn

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“…many of us have internalized the message that our bodies are some kind of burden that must be subdued and transcended.”   From Goddesses Never Age

Once upon a time there were no exercise classes, no gym memberships.  There were no leggings or sports bras, no water bottles or heart rate monitors, no power bars or protein shakes.

Daily life was the treadmill.  People stepped on when they awoke and off when they fell into bed at night. They moved to the rhythms of life and the changes of the seasons.  Out on the farms, in the suburbs, or on the manufacturing floors it was called “work” or “chores.”  Out in the yards, in the neighborhoods, or on the school grounds, it was called “play.”  Somehow people managed to get motivated and get moving without a throbbing musical beat in their ears. 

But the war-weary people were vulnerable, and they fell under the spell of the Gods of Progress. The Pharmaceutical Giants gave the people vaccines and antibiotics adding years to their lives and giving the people a false sense of health.  The Wizard of Madison Avenue began to speak to the people from a new device called television infiltrating their minds and hearts with yearnings.  Everyone began talking about an abundance of cheap, magical, labor-saving devices and convenience foods.  The Wizard told the people what they should want, what they deserved, and after a taste, the people agreed.  They began to seek entertainment in their homes from their laid-back positions in reclining chairs called La-Z-Boys.  And after they finished their TV dinners the people puffed on burning rolls of tobacco that the Tobacco Giants said were healthy and tasted good like cigarettes should.

Tik Tok, time passed.  Soon the people became spectators to life.  And as they watched other people do stuff, the people grew in size along with their sectional sofas and flat screen TVs. They no longer needed to walk upright.  Their hand held phones became smarter than the people themselves.  With a gentle tap of a single finger, the people worked.  They paid their bills, ordered food to be delivered, did their Christmas shopping, wrote to friends, and asked an invisible woman named Alexa to answer the door while a robot vacuumed the floor.

And still, the Gods of Progress wanted more, and so they teamed up with the Wizard of Madison Avenue who had already corrupted the Gods of the Metaverse.  Together, they hatched a plan to sell more ads while stealing the minds of the people and replacing them with artificial intelligence.  “We’ll create a device more addictive than tobacco.  It will be so addictive and so distracting that it will rob people of their free will, the ability to think for themselves, the desire to work, or the capacity to love one another.  They won’t need to do a thing ever again.”

But the Gods were so full of themselves that they forgot that intelligent life still existed where it first began--outside the Metaverse.  They overlooked people like Dr. James Levine who were warning that, “Sitting is the new smoking.” People began to repeat this new mantra which angered some of the Gods.  They still weren’t happy with the former Surgeon General who exposed their claims about tobacco and nicotine.  But ever opportunistic, the diabolical Wizard of Madison Avenue saw a way to turn natural bodily movement into a new product, and he called it “exercise,” and a multi-billion dollar industry was created to press people into buying something the Wizard had already taught them to hate.  “Ah, the power of ambivalence,” said The Wizard.  “And if we teach people to hate themselves, we shall have it both ways!”

As expected people flocked to the gyms and purchased the memberships, the trainers’ time, sports wardrobes, and special shoes. Cinderella looked down on the scene from her throne in the happily ever after.  Not a doctor, a god, a wizard, or even Jane Fonda, Cinderella always knew that it was the hard work of life that kept her mentally and physically fit to pursue her dreams, to dare to attend a ball, to climb in and out of a pumpkin carriage, to race up and down the stairs, and to dance all night.  She still resents that her fairy godmother was given so much credit for a dress and a pair of ill-fitting shoes.

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