all of the selves we Have ever been
It is Groundhog’s Day. Nothing new.
We’ve been living the same day for more than a year. Just when we thought that hope had arrived inside a syringe, epidemiologists advise us that we are not nearing the end of the pandemic; we are at the beginning of a new variant-inspired phase that could be worse than anything we’ve experienced thus far.
Happy Groundhog’s Day.
I am waiting for social media to light up in outrage that Punxsutawney Phil got to see his shadow this morning when the rest of us have been social distancing, afraid to even look in a mirror.
How do you know that you have been effectively social distancing for a year?
You know you’ve been socially distancing when--
1. Taking out the trash is an outing.
2. You think of the curb outside your home as a nightclub.
3. You ask the neighbors to blow their leaves into your yard so you can rake them up.
4. You replace the plumbing just for something to do.
5. Moving your car from the street into the garage is a road trip.
6. You schedule a time to talk to yourself.
7. You send yourself emails.
8. You eat food right out of the package--and that includes salad and baked beans.
9. Telemarketers have stopped calling because you talk too much.
10. You make a telehealth appointment to see how the doctor is doing.
11. You forget how long it has been since you last showered.
12. You put 14 miles on your car all year, and it will be 214.8571 years before your car needs an oil change. You go ahead and book the appointment.
13. You forget how to eat with a fork.
14. You salivate when the doorbell rings.
15. You buy stuff online just so you can return it.
16. You are arrested for trimming the neighbor’s shrubs.
17. You walk stray dogs.
18. People think you are making fun of them when you say have a nice day.
19. Someone gives you the finger and it feels like a friendly gesture.
20. You long for a church sermon about the annual fund drive.
21. A workout is sitting up straight.
22. You forget to wear pants.
23. A fire drill is a nice get together.
24. You turn yourself in for removing the tags from your mattress and sofa cushions.
25. You’ve binge watched everything including your home security camera footage.
26. You are jealous of your friend’s dentist appointment.
27. You realize that smell is not coming from the litter box…
28. When someone asks where you live, you give them your IP address.
29. You don’t realize you are still in your pajamas until you spill coffee on yourself at the convenience store.
30. You are willing to do hard time just for a hug.
If you can identify with the above, then you’ve been social distancing. I am hoping Punxsutawney Phil is right—just six more weeks of this.
Happy Groundhog’s Day!
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