The Age of Incredulous

 
I have failed the American people.

It was not for a lack of trying.

I sat on the couch with my eyes glued to the TV for 24 straight hours.  Still, I could not bring in those election returns.

Perhaps the Russians jammed my thought broadcasting network.  Or maybe I toyed with the forces when I prayed that nothing would change while I ran to the bathroom.  Or maybe after a day without a shower the forces abandoned me. Whatever…

I decide to nudge things along. I make a cap out of tin foil and begin communing with the universe.

Leave the house.  That will do it!  The minute I turn my eyes or divert my attention, there will be big news, and I will be the last to know--a sacrifice I am willing to make for the greater good.  So, I shower and run a few errands.  I leave my tin foil cap at home.

Upon return to my apartment, I try to act casual. Despite my hungry obsession with the news, I hang up my sweater, blow my nose, and wash my hands.  I preheat the oven in preparation for lunch.  Then I nonchalantly walk to the TV remote and fire up my connection to the universe.  The channel surfing begins...commercial…commercial…commercial.  Good grief! 

More surfing and I hit on an update.  In the hour and fifteen minutes that I have been away from my screen, Sharpiegate, and dead voters emerged.  Initial election results in one critical state may not be known until November 12th. 

I groan.  When will I cease to be surprised?  We are living is the Age of Incredulous.  No wonder Botox is big business—all those furrowed brows and slack jaws. Where’s my tin foil cap?

Properly attired once again, I try to channel Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis out in the Fifth Dimension.

“Incredulous to Aquarius.  Over.”

Nothing.

“Incredulous to Aquarius.  Over.”

Still nothing.

“Can you hear me, Aquarius?  This is urgent!”

I receive a crystal revelation, mental liberation.  I grab a Sharpie and take notes:  “harmony and understanding…sympathy and trust…no more falsehoods or derisions…then peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars…”

Wow! This is big!

“Incredulous to Aquarius: when?  When can we expect this heavenly resolution to our earthly madness?”

“When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars.  In the meantime, get off the couch and let the sunshine in.”

“Copy that Aquarius.  Copy that.”

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